GEORGE

SURVIVING LOSS

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There is no simple way to deal with the tremendously traumatic experience of losing a child. It's critical to give yourself space to grieve, It maybe help to seek help, support and  assistance from others, and keep in mind the good things about your child's life.

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While attempting to endure the emotions and experiences following the death of your child, you made experience some or all the following feeling:

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Feeling that life wrong, the ‘natural order’ of life has changed as parents don't outlive their children

We expect parents to die before their children. Even if the death was expected, There can be a very strong sense that the order of things has been upended, even if the death was anticipated. People frequently describe feeling as though something has been taken out from under them.

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Shock

The shock is severe if the death was abrupt or unanticipated. The death of a child is likely to be extremely distressing, regardless of how it occurs.

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Loss of role

You may feel that your duty as a parent has been taken away from you when your child passes away. Losing parenthood can be extremely hard because it is an integral part of who you are. It's crucial to keep in mind that you will always be their parent.

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Guilt

After losing a child, guilt is fairly prevalent. Their passing may seem like a form of retribution for anything you did wrong. Remind yourself that you are not to blame for their passing. It’s very unlikely you could have done anything to change things.

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Anger and unfairness

It’s natural to be angry about the unfairness of it all. When someone had a long life ahead of them it feels incredibly cruel that their life was cut short.

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Effect on the family

Every member of the family is impacted by death, and relationships can be severely strained when a child passes away. You may discover that you are grieving in different ways or experiencing different emotions at different times. Be as understanding as you can. Each person grieves differently, and some will require more time to process than others.

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Sibling grief

If you have other children they will be grieving and may also be finding it difficult. If they are still children themselves helping them can be very difficult when grieving yourself.

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Difficult reactions from other people

It can be difficult to cope with the way people react after your child dies. People know just how painful it must be so find it very difficult to know what to say. Some people may even avoid the topic all together which can be very upsetting.

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I wanted to know how to answer my child's questions around death and the advice was just to tell the truth because children see things in black and white.​​

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On a warm winter’s evening, just after the festivities of the Christmas holidays, our joy turn to sadness when our beautiful baby George left our side for no reason.  Our little miracle defied all the odds, he fort so hard to be with us every step of the way, he was just so perfect. SIDS changed our lives that day for ever, things would never be the same again. We are now forced to rebuild a new normal, each day we are left wondering how we can survive to the end of that day without him.  Only the memory of his last smile allows our world to keep turning.

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We however found some help and comfort, when we most needed it. It was from one of the leaflets that was handed to us while we sat in the hospital bereavement suite, still comatose from the event. It was from a support group within the local area. When I finally plucked up the courage, I phoned it, not knowing what to say, just dialling the number felt like a strain, as I pressed each key on the touch-pad.  If they answer what would I then. The words flew in and out of my head as I tried in vain to think of what to say, I was longing for the strength just to make the call and more so, not to break down while talking.

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I think it was the third of fourth attempt when I finally plucked up the courage to talked to the recorded message, but within the day, if not the hour, we had a call back from Michelle at the Snowdrop Centre, she arranged a meeting, where she got to know us. It seemed to help us talk to someone who was not directly involved but would help us find our path through our darkest of times. 

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When you lose a child no matter the age of them, you may feel as if you are unable to talk about them, but it is critical that you believe you can. They are a part of both your life and soul. It's something you need to say, and not always in the past tense.

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