OUR NEW NORM
With the coroner’s inquest behind us, Michelle our SIDS bereavement nurse arranged for the pediatric consultant to read the report in layman's terms, he was also the doctor on call the night George came in and tried to bring our angel back to us. We arrived at the hospital building and entered via the staff offices, we where greeted by Michelle, before she let us know the doctor would be a few minutes. We sat down in a small side room, Sarah next to me while Michelle hovered around until the doctor entered.
He began to read, explaining each of the medical terms and giving his professional opinion, as he read each statement out loud, letting us know that this is normal and nothing was physically wrong. Each time he said normal, I wanted to say why! It couldn’t have been! There must have been something wrong? Did we not spot something?
As the doctor finish reading the report, he asked if we had any questions or if he could put our mind at rest. We all talked, of what felt like hours, finding any comfort from what was said. The doctor was visibly upset as he looked out of the window while wiping a tear from his eye, I heard him mutter “What a waste”, losing our baby effected more than just ourselves but many other people.
As for us, we never got a why, we only had SIDS. I never will know if being told he passed away from something is any worse than the hell of not knowing, that he pass away with no reason, no warning and no factors, he just forgot to breathe. I blame myself and had a million questions which will never be answered.