Some days you find yourself in a downward spiral, nothing feel right and all your thought end up with the feeling the loss. Some days I wonder if I left this mortal coil would I have made a difference. When you try to explain this to parent who hasn’t lost a child, you can feel that you are harping on or even feel you need to explain yourself. Why should we feel this way? We didn’t ask to lose our babies and would give our own lives freely to have them back.
The last month or so, I’ve been feeling a little down, I seem to be on a downward spiral, each time I take a step forward it feels like I’m taking four back, I don’t know whether the cold and miserable days is bringing down or that I want to have George back in my arms. We are trying hard to keep happy for the other children, even so it hard not to feel the pain of everyday life, Love is the only light in the obis of darkness.
Today George would have been two years old, no party balloons or cake around the table. In fact, only Lizzy told me that it was George’s birthday, of course Sarah and I felt our hearts break all over again as we remembered our short time we had together. Our little boy was at the start of his life and did nothing wrong ‘I feel so empty… it’s like my heart has been torn out’. Where is the fairness and why are we chosen to walk through life as parents of a child in heaven? Each day go by and each day I still feel it was my fault, I put my baby to sleep and he never woke up, I spend my time wishing I could have done something to have stop this devastating and sole destroying event from happeni
When George past away I thought, I would grieve his death forever and then some, this does not mean my life is lacking happiness and joy, quite the contrary, in fact we as just come back from Disneyland Paris, the family needed the break and this was the tonic, we didn’t shout from the roof tops about SIDS and didn’t let others know that we are parents with a child in heaven, but we did wish for him to be by our side as we do every day of our lives. George is what my life is about and he is who I have become, I love him every day and will do each hour until I leave this world to join him. So on the bonfire night I will keep safe and think of George and feel lucky that George’s brothers and s
