Tears

Felt a little sad this week, no real reason, just my heart feels the pain as I watch others around me grow. There are so many things that remind me of our little baby George and so many times I just want to hold you. Daddy’s tears hurt and will miss you forever.

Clearing up

On Tuesday, Sarah and I felt it was time to declutter the house, it wasn’t the first time and sure it won’t be the last, each time we manage to find the strength to get rid of things, it’s hard not to allow the house to become a monument and keep all the useless things just because and this time it was the turn of couple of things, this time it was his cot bed and his pram. We have tried in the past to give it to a charity but every time it was going something got in the way, these things has been just being sitting on the way gathering dust, so finally we took given away the cot bed to a local charity, the day after me took the pram to the recycle centre, it felt right that someone could

Still the Pain Remain

I sometimes find myself lying awake at night wondering what could have been, I will never again hold my little boy in my arms and know the joy he brings to my sole, we will never see his first steps or worry needlessly as he gets up to mischief, we will never wave him good bye as he goes to university and never see the joy of him graduate or becomes a man, we will never hold his children and reminisce of moments in time. We lost more than our little boy, we lost what could have been, we can never recapture what never happened and what should have been. Our baby boy was only with us for a short time but he left a huge gap in our sole. I still torture myself and relive every moment of the day

Running in the GNR

I need to get motivated and back into running, each day I leave it, is another day that is lost. I need to put foot to pavement and start building up strength for the task ahead. I am currently out of action with some sort of insect bite, but this will not stop me as I’m doing the run for George, if I go to an event and I reach out to just one person and they ask about George, that will keep his name and memory alive. This September, Eddie will be running in the Junior Great North and I will be ‘doing it for George’ the following day by competing in the Great North Run. Our aim over these couple of days is to raise the profile of SIDs, by getting other people talking and to keep George’s mem

The Unspeakable Bond

As I navigate through my new norm, I am continually shocked by the unspeakable bond between bereaved parents. Once strangers suddenly become kindred spirits in just a blink of an eye, something magically connects us together, no matter of each of the circumstances, who they are or how far into their journey they have travelled, there is no greater bond than parents who understand the agony of enduring the death of our special ones. It’s a pain we suffer for a lifetime, and unfortunately only those who have walked the pat of child loss understands the depth and breadth of both the pain and love we carry.

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