Do you ever stop blaming yourself? Does it get any easier? Why do I question ever minute of that day? I put him down to sleep as I would have done for any of our other children, I must have done it a thousand times in the past. When he passed away, I was not aw are he was gone, he had his family around him but he found his time to leave our loving arms. How could I not have known and woken him up somehow? . When will the guilt go away? I still wonder how I could not have known, why didn’t I just hold him for longer and why didn’t I just keep him in my arms, instead of letting him sleep, why didn't I think to check on him? Why couldn’t I have stopped the world from turning.

Tears of all our lost tomorrow....

Father’s day and I know someone is missing, amongst all the joy and happiness of the day is the sadness of not having our little boy in our arms. We will always have all those missed events, each Christmas, birthdays, graduations and days of being proud of all that would have been done. Tears for all our lost tomorrows….

Storm Clouds

It feels like storm clouds are in my sole, nothing seems to be able to snap me out of this feeling, more I battle my demons, the more I feel the despair and sadness. I know there is light at the end of this tunnel and I know there is people around me who cares, but knowing but is one thing, but when you not right, it is hard to focus on the positives.


Lately I have been feeling down and not able to snap out of it. It feels like slipping uncontrollable down a helter-skelter, always sliding, more you try to stop, the more you tumble. I only barely keeping my head above the rim. I should be watching over my boy but instead, he’s my guiding star.

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