A day for mix emotions as we say a long good bye to a close friend, Sue’bo was more than just a friend, she became part of our family, agreeing to be Sebbie’s God parent. She was there helping us through the darkest of days when we lost George. The loss of her is truly heartbreaking but it has also brought back the feeling of hopelessness we had when George left our side. I originally planned to be at the funeral instead of Sarah, but at the last minute Sarah was asked by Peter, Sue’s husband, so we rearrange our plans as Sue would have wished. I will now be there for the children if they need anything and ready to take them home after school. It is hard to put into words how we all feel, as our world is rocked once more.

A few month back I also lost my uncle but was unable to attend his funeral, today feels more real, I guess its because I hyped myself up, I was aiming to watch a close friend go and say our last good byes. It may have been for the better as I would have felt uneasy with making small talk and trying to hide how I feel while watching others around with their own grief, so instead of my eyes being red raw, I will face my stomach being in knots. I am sitting here typing this blog just wondering how Sarah is coping instead of me, will her friends know how much she will be hurting inside, how much she wants to shout out, “this is not right! Why, oh why is life unfair.”

When Sarah returned home, she found the day hard, she lost one of her best friends and that brought back so many memories of our little boy, George was only at the start of his life and never harmed anyone, Sue was a wonderful person and would do anything to help others. My thoughts are all in a muddled with such a lack of direction, I keep feeling the loss and then the memories of George just flood back, I know it is self-pity, but the raw emotion still cuts deeper than a knife. The passing of George hasn’t eased just became livable. How do we keep going on when life keeps throwing such a curve ball, our new norm is constantly tested?

Heaven has gained another Angel, our friend has left us and now she is looking after our baby, so sleep tight until we all meet once more.

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