Blip in Time

This week I felt I had a few more blips than normal. This Monday morning, Seb was laying on the sofa feeling a little under the weather and feeling very sorry for himself, this was due to him being poorly the night before, the little man could hardly keep his eyes open, he looked pale and drained of life. Just at that moment he closed his eyes and fell asleep in a way that looked strange and my mind went into overload, so I dash over and began to tried and get a response but nothing, I tried again but of course he was only sleeping, he turned his head and opened his eyes for a second before going back to sleep. my head was full of memories of George and I couldn’t shake off the feeling, the rest of the day I just kept working on auto pilot, I was partly in a daze and I wasn’t bothered what was said or what life was ready to through at me. We lost our heart and soul when George past away, nothing could have prepared us for the lost and sorrow of his death, each day I live with the memories and blame myself, I am his big strong daddy and I should of stopped the vail of darkness taking my boy away from us so quickly and without warning. There is no “getting over it” or “moving on” and no time limit as there isn’t an end to the ways I will grieve. There is no magic glue to repair my broken heart or “time will heal all wounds” only the emptiness of our lost tomorrows. I wish people could only understand that grief last forever. Losing a child is not a finite event, it is a continuous loss that unfolds each moment of each day. Every missed Christmas, birthday and joyful event without him and we know that he will never take his first step, go to school and graduate. He will never get married and have children of his own. This is why we grieve so deeply and the feeling will never dies, the lasting sorrow and emptiness of our days is full of lasting regret of events that will never happen.

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